Variations On a Theme

an exploration of television theme music

an assortment of vintage televisions. image sourced from https://www.etsy.com/listing/1172723218/vintage-old-television-tv-clipart

Thea and I watch a good amount of television, and growing up I was practically glued to the set whenever possible. Was it a coping mechanism for undiagnosed neurodivergence? Probably. What are you, my psychologist? One of the most notable things about most shows is there’s a certain amount of branding in play, beginning with the opening titles. Television theme songs generally come in two flavors: songs adapted to fit the show, or songs specifically written for the show. Today, we’ll dive into the first option, with the second one to follow at a later date. That’s right, it’s tag team turmoil today, with the lovely and talented Thea Rettical pitching in to tackle our topic.

The history of television theme music began with… can you imagine? I mean, I get pedantic and all, but that’s a lot even for me. No, instead we’re going to get straight to the heart of the matter and focus on listing our favorite theme songs that began life as independent productions. Mainly, this is an opportunity to rant about some of our favorite and least favorite shows. I’m sure we’ll miss some obvious ones, but I just want you to know that we intentionally left out your favorite. Complain in the comments! Let’s get started with number twenty (because this is a double-sized list just for you):

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20. Scrubs - “Superman” - Lazlo Bane

LK: Scrubs is the rare pre-streaming show that benefits from binging more than watching week to week. I didn’t see it when it first aired, only picking it up once it was syndicated on Comedy Central. Unfortunately, by the time I caught up to current, the show had become a shell of itself with the last season on ABC. If any show should have pulled a St. Elsewhere and ended up in the Tommy Westphall universe, it’s this one, and it should have been at the end of its NBC run. Sadly, the 2007 WGA strike was the death knell for the show’s legitimacy. I blame the producers.

19. Veronica Mars - “We Used to Be Friends” - The Dandy Warhols

Thea: When this show was on the air, it was not on my radar at all. Now? I feel like I need to watch it ASAP. This is right up my alley. Teenage detective solving her best friend’s murder? Sign me up. This song seems like a good fit for the vibe of the show (at least, what I can gather about it). Plus the title is appropriate. They used to be best buddies…and now they’re not…

18. CSI: Miami - “Won’t Get Fooled Again” - The Who

LK: The first spinoff of the inescapable CSI franchise, and the one that established the precedent for using The Who as their theme music in each iteration. I’ve got a full article in the workshopping stage for the band, but I’m reluctant to finish it due to my lingering uncomfortableness with Pete Townshend’s criminal activities. I try not to platform terrible people if I can help it, even though I do get burned sometimes. (Thanks, Brian McKnight. Jerk.) Veering back from my tangent, I watched CSI: Miami the least of the big CSIs. Miami leans most into the idea of the team being investigators rather than scientists, so “Won’t Get Fooled Again” is apt. As a theme song it’s solid but unspectacular.

17. Mad Men - “A Beautiful Mine” - RJD2

Thea: I’ll admit, I only watched a little bit of Mad Men because Christina Hendricks is hot. But what I did watch was entertaining. I liked learning more about the advertising world (even if most of it was dramatized), I wanted most of the women’s costumes, and I hated almost every male character. What could go wrong? This song oozes cool and mysterious and sexy, which is what I think of when I think about Mad Men.

16. CSI: NY - “Baba O’Riley” - The Who

LK: There have been five CSI variations, with four Who songs used. Two are from the album Who’s Next, and since I just talked about the other one, here comes “Baba O’Riley”. Named after guru Meher Baba and minimalist composer Teddy Riley, the song was originally slated to be the centerpiece of the aborted Lifehouse rock opera that Townshend was working on. (At that point, the song’s working title was “Teenage Wasteland”, which is how most people remember it anyway.) Once he shifted gears to a complete band album, the most notable thing to come out of the project was the name of the band that did “Hanging By a Moment”, an all-time banger. CSI:NY is probably my favorite iteration, because Gary Sinise is a fine actor who can carry even mediocre material to great heights despite his status as one of Hollywood’s leading conservatives.

15. Weeds - “Little Boxes” - Malvina Reynolds

LK: Startling confession: I never watched Weeds. Tucked away as it was on Showtime as opposed to the juggernaut of early 00’s prestige television that was HBO, I never felt the urge to watch it on the free preview weekends that occasionally popped up with my basic cable subscription. Once the era of streaming started (and my internet speeds at home could accommodate it), Weeds was pretty far down on the list of things to watch. I gave it a shot once or twice, but it never hooked me enough to keep watching. Mary-Louise Parker was and is very pretty, though. The theme song is by folk singer and future Sesame Street performer Malvina Reynolds, who made a name for herself in the mid-Sixties writing sharp satirical songs just like this one.

14. Life Goes On - “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” - Patti LuPone

LK: This might be the consensus worst Beatles song of all time, but I have a special place in my heart for it. Life Goes On was one of the first television shows to feature an actor with a developmental disability in a starring role, in this case Chris Burke who has Down syndrome. Burke was discovered by producer Robert Evans (miss you Neil) in an amateur play at Cardinal Cushing School, and Burke went on to study acting with various teachers before being cast in a TV movie at ABC. Producers were so enamored with him that they created a vehicle just for him. Life Goes On also featured a young Kellie Martin as his sister, who would go on to star in ER and Christy before embarking on a career as one of the grand dames of the Hallmark Channel. Their mother was played by Broadway legend Patti LuPone, who also sings the theme song. Many actors with developmental disabilities also received breaks on the show, including the recently departed Andrea Fay Friedman (RIP).

13. The Office (UK) - “Handbags and Gladrags” - Big George

LK: The original song was written in 1967 by Manfred Mann lead singer Mike d’Abo (father of actress Olivia, who starred in a show further down the list), then covered by Faces singer Rod Stewart in 1969. Stewart’s version was a moderate chart hit when released as a single in 1972, as was the version by Best New Artist nominee Chase a year earlier. Jon English released a cover as his debut single in 1973, and then the song sat fallow for almost three decades. In 2001, Stereophonics released a cover that owed a great deal to Stewart’s take, which cleared the way for the producers of The Office to use the song as their theme. The arrangement was brand new, though, under the guidance of British theme song legend George Webley, better known as Big George. The song had four different iterations: one short intro, one slightly longer take with vocals from Waysted frontman Fin Muir, one full song arrangement with Muir, and finally the episode four version sung by Ricky Gervais himself in character as David Brent.

12. The O.C. - “California” - Phantom Planet

Thea: The O.C. might have been the start of my love for trash TV. This was soap opera at its finest. SO MUCH DRAMA. I remember being thoroughly shocked at one of the character’s storylines (if you know, you know). This song goes perfectly with the vibe of the show. Everyone seemed like they were so cool and chill and couldn’t be bothered with anything…until they were fighting. I think it might be time for a rewatch.

11. Gilmore Girls - “Where You Lead” - Carole King and Louise Goffin

Thea: I remember loving this show when I was younger. I thought my mom and I had a friendship like Lorelai and Rory. Looking back at it from a parental lens, their relationship is terrible and I never want that with my child. Also, I will never watch the revival. I do not need that revisionist history in my life, thank you very much. I feel like the song lyrics are appropriate for this show. You can interpret them as a parent’s devotion to their child, and I feel like Lorelai really tried to do that for Rory. Granted, Rory blew it, but c’est la vie.

10. The Drew Carey Show - “Moon Over Parma” / “Five O’Clock World” / “Cleveland Rocks” - Various

LK: Each of the themes for The Drew Carey Show have their own charm. The first two seasons had Carey himself singing the song “Moon Over Parma” by Bob McGuire, a Cleveland polka legend. Midway through the season, the theme changed to “Five O’Clock World” by the Vogues, a Pittsburgh pop group from the Sixties. The third season saw the show hit its stride, and with that the theme song changed once more to Ian Hunter’s “Cleveland Rocks” as covered by The Presidents of the United States of America, best known for “Lump” and “Peaches”. During the seventh season (which is usually the season sitcoms end because of seven-year talent contracts coming up for a pricy renewal), the ratings started to dip. The eighth and ninth seasons are mythical and do not exist, just like any seasons of The Simpsons past the ninth. (No offense to Cynthia Watros, who is blameless.)

9. One Tree Hill - “I Don’t Want to Be” - Gavin DeGraw

Thea: This was a song that I remembered playing on the radio. I was really starting to go away from my parents’ music preferences and finding my own. Gavin DeGraw was a very very soft intro to bluesy rock, something I still enjoy today. This song really works for OTH. DeGraw explained this song as being “heavily influenced by the identity crisis right now that exists amongst youth. It's almost like you can go into any town in the country and the kids don't necessarily have an identity of their own; it's like whatever is on television is who they are.” This is perfect for a high school drama series. High school kids are supposed to be figuring out their identity at this time. I know for me, I went from being the nerdy preppy kid to the nerdy emo kid to the nerdy blonde girl (there seems to be a trend here).

8. The Sopranos - “Woke Up This Morning” - The Alabama 3

LK: I tried to get into the Sopranos, bless my heart. I wanted to like all of the prestige dramas of the early to mid 00’s like everyone else, but I couldn’t ever get into this one like I could The Wire or Oz. I think I made it halfway through season one before DNFing. There’s a recurring theme with shows I can’t get into, as evidenced by sitting down and watching an episode of the Real Housewives franchise for the first time with Thea last week: I have to like or at least empathize with my protagonist to enjoy it. (I’m willing to give it another shot, but not for a little bit and not Dallas.) Getting back to The Sopranos, the band is a hybrid country/hip-hop group from the UK who has had most of their success licensing songs for media. Good work if you can get it.

7. CSI - “Who Are You” - The Who

Thea: Ah, the OG. The start of all the CSIs. And yes, it had to use the most obvious song. Definitely not a bad thing. I love crime dramas, so this show was definitely on repeat for awhile. Pair this with Law and Order and you got yourself a good night. This is by far the best of the CSI franchise, hands down (sorry not sorry LK). “Who Are You” is a perfect choice for crime scene investigators. If professions had theme songs, this would be it for them.

6. That ‘70s Show - “In the Street” - Cheap Trick

Thea: I used to watch this show a lot as a kid. I always thought my dad was a lot like Red. Probably not the nicest comparison, but it works. This had a great ensemble cast that you can tell liked each other for most of their time together. The show intro really showed their camaraderie. My parents would say how this was a pretty decent rendition of what it was really like in the Seventies. I was never interested in the new spinoff Eighties show. I don’t think it’ll capture the same magic. (LK: we all agree that That 80’s Show never happened, right?)

We’re all alright… but Shelly, you ok?

5. Dawson’s Creek - “I Don’t Want to Wait” - Paula Cole

Thea: I have fond memories of this show. I would watch it on TBS during summer vacation, and my dad would come over to visit and we’d watch it together. He thought it was dumb at first, saying it’s just a kid soap opera, but then he was hooked. I remember he was on a trip for work and he called me saying “ I’m watching Dawson’s Creek in my hotel room!”

After listening to the entire song and watching the video…dang. I can see why the show creators only used the chorus. This song is A LOT. And the video? So much going on. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good song…it’s just a little too much for a kid soap opera.

Also, #teampacey

4. The Wonder Years - “With a Little Help From My Friends” - Joe Cocker

Thea: I remember watching this show, but I never saw how it ended! I watched the finale while writing this piece, and I might have teared up a little. Parenthood has made me sappy. Since a lot of this show focuses on Kevin’s friendships, this song is a perfect fit. It makes me reminisce about my childhood friends and wonder what they’ve done with their lives. Maybe I should contact them…

(Note: we can separate the art from the artist, and LK and I do not condone Fred Savage’s multiple acts of misconduct.)

3. Taxi - “Angela” - Bob James

LK: Y’all know my deep and abiding appreciation of the smooth jazz genre, as evidenced by my earlier article:

So it should come as no surprise that I love Bob James’ entire oeuvre. Although “Nautilus” and “Take Me to the Mardi Gras” get more love as samples, “Angela” might be his best song. In fact, James was responsible for much of the music featured in Taxi, and he collected some of his favorite material composed for the show on his album The Genie, as heard here:

2. The Wire - “Way Down in the Hole” - Various

LK: The Wire is one of the best shows of all time, and you should watch it. That being said, you shouldn’t trust anyone who espouses it as the end-all, be-all of television. (Luckily that seems to have subsided in the past few years.) There are glaring flaws in the narrative structure, and ultimately the show functions as copaganda more than anything else. It’s definitely one of the best-acted shows ever filmed, with stunning performances from essentially the entire cast. Altogether, though, I think you should watch The Corner or Homicide: Life on the Street instead since they are somehow better overall. The theme tune is a Tom Waits song from 1987, but in five different iterations befitting the five different seasons and tones of the show. The first is the Blind Boys of Alabama, a gospel quartet. The second is Waits himself in his own inimitable style. Third is the Neville Brothers, while the fourth is from five Baltimore teenagers recruited specifically for the show. The fifth and final season theme is from country legend (and supporting actor on the show) Steve Earle, which reminds me I need to do a Steve Earle article at some point. (Thea says I go to the country well too often, but then again she’s uncultured and was raised by Yankees.) (Thea: WHOA… how rude!)

1. The Golden Girls - “Thank You for Being a Friend” - Cynthia Fee

Thea: Everyone’s taken a “What Golden Girl Are You?” quiz, right? If not, you’re welcome. (LK: I got Rose, which reminds me of this time in St. Olaf…) (Thea: And I’m Blanche! Kinda explains a lot, now that I think about it.) I love this show so much. It’s a security blanket. There are so many lines that I can quote, I sometimes start stories with “Picture it, Sicily…”, and part of me wanted to be Dorothy when I grew up, minus the annoying ex-husband (oops). My mom and I watched this show all the time. My family used to go to Disney World a lot, and one of the attractions at MGM Studios (now Hollywood Studios) was the Backlot Tour. I actually got to see their house! It was a surreal moment.

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LK: Thank you for joining us this week on a special super-sized collaboration. Special thanks to Thea Rettical for pitching in and for the initial idea. A reminder to my loyal readers: this month is on a biweekly schedule, so don’t expect any new material next week. I imagine I’ll do another recap. If anyone wants to suggest something for the new year (like a year-end list to pick apart), feel free to do so either in the comments below or through various forms of social media. Everything should be in my Linktree.

See you in two weeks!